That's What You Get
by P. Fishies
Summary: **BREAKING DAWN SPOILERS** A smug, bitter voice taunted me cynically. It was the human inside me: the 17-year-old girl whose heart had been broken because she, for once, had let it win. That what I got for letting myself be happy.
1. I Hate My Life

***** WARNING:: BREAKING DAWN SPOILERS!!! *** A/N**: Hey, It's other again! Okay, so I never actually thought I'd ever write a Twilight fan-fic, because honestly while I love the books I just don't think that way with regular books... maybe with Manga but not with BOOK books... so honestly I never had any intention of writing a fan fic based on the Twilight series. But after Breaking Dawn, I realized (actually after seeing a Piece of Flair on facebook) that everybody there got their happy ending... except for Leah. And seriously, Leah got MAJORLY screwed over; she really got the short end of the stick especially after Jacob imprinted. So I got to thinking about what might have happened after the conclusion of BD... annnd next thing I knew I was typing like crazy trying to get the idea out. So here it is: part 1 of Leah's story. My view on it, at least. I don't know how many other people tried to give her her happy ending and I'm not going to pretend to be better, I just thought this idea was something Stephenie Meyer would likely come up with.

In case you DIDN'T notice, though-- You shouldn't be reading any part of this document if you haven't read Breaking Dawn. This kind of takes place after the conclusion and assumes you know what it's talking about, so you'd be lost, anyway, even if you didn't care about spoilers.

One final warning:: I curs'ded just a little ^.^ Not horrifically, though, but if the F-bomb causes you discomfort... well it's not censored. =\

In keeping with Stephenie Meyer's tradition, I placed a quote from a classic text at the beginning. It's actually the poem in its entirety; it's called "Nothing Gold Can Stay" and it's written by Robert Frost.

Hope you enjoy!

* * *

_"Nature's first green is gold,  
Her hardest hue to hold.  
Her early leaf's a flower;  
But only so an hour.  
Then leaf subsides to leaf.  
So Eden sank to grief,  
So dawn goes down to day.  
Nothing gold can stay."_

_-Robert Frost_

**Part One**

The only word that repeated in my mind was really much too vulgar and quite unnecessary. But I couldn't help it.

Of course. Of _course_ this would happen. Of _course_ the one doe I decide to tackle, the one time I decided to spare the pathetic herd's leading buck and pick off a smaller doe, I take down the pregnant one. Go freaking figure. These days, symbolism seemed to skip hand-in-hand with the little demon that held the puppet strings to my life.

I couldn't keep the infuriated growl from escaping as I tore into the shoulder of the downed doe, eyeing her swollen abdomen bitterly.

_Just don't think about it, Leah_. Embry encouraged me; I could hear the crisp leaves crunch beneath his paws as he ran somewhere south of me.

It wasn't as if I _couldn't_ hunt like a wolf. I'd learned years ago how to let the wolf in me control this part of my life. Most of the time, the human stepped back and looked away. This was easier, though, when it was a beefcake buck I had killed. Not a freaking pregnant doe.

I hadn't even thought about it past saving the buck. I was just hungry. Did I really have to be punished for that? Clueless animal was probably in some serious pain anyway, she was so huge. At least the stupid thing _could_ get pregnant. Great. Now not only did I feel _guilty_ about taking down my dinner, I actually _envied_ it.

_That's what you get, you stupid girl, _a smug, bitter voice taunted me cynically. It was the human inside me that would always despise what I was, the part of me that, these days, controlled my every whim and word. It was the 17-year-old girl whose heart had been broken because she, for once, had let it win. That's what I got for giving in. That's what I got for letting myself be happy. And this was what I got for simply trying to get my fucking dinner quickly before I went on duty.

Stupid fucking deer.

_Relax, Leah._ Came Embry's voice again, less sign of irritation present than usual. _Just eat_.

The last thing I wanted to do now was eat the damn thing. But my stomach protested, and, since I'd _had _to take the impregnated kill, I was forced to eat around her sorry ovaries and pray I didn't penetrate it lest I puke. I ignored the squealing human voice in my head, as well as the tantalizing one, as I dug into the hot flesh.

_That's the way_. Embry urged, seeming proud.

_Yeah, geez, no need to go all General Hospital on us_. Seth snorted. He was taking the perimeter opposite Embry, sprinting along somewhere on the northern half of it.

I suppressed another growl as my snout dug deeper into the doe's shoulder. _Can it, lover boy, it's not like your thoughts are any less hurl-worthy_.

That shut him up; he remained silent now as he ran.

At first, this new pack had seemed like a gift from the Powers that had hated me for so long. I had finally escaped that circle of torture that was Sam's pack, got out of his mind and for once was able to think on my own, without my every thought drifting back to him and his unendurable love for Emily. That, mixed with undisputable guilt for abandoning me, and my own shame, then, at knowing that he knew my every disgust with him, and that made him feel even more guilty, and I was all the more twisted for having caused him more pain… But at long last, my head had been cleared. I had a leader who understood me, who knew what it was like to be rejected. For a fleeting time, it didn't matter that I had to inhale vampire stink 24/7. I was, rationally speaking, roughly 65% happy, which was more than I'd ever reached since Sam's imprinting. And I'd grown comfortable with the idea that maybe I could stay this way until death wanted to take me…

And thus came the downfall. Naturally, nature had had its sensor on me and decided I'd become far too content. One blink and poof! Jacob's troubles, the only thing connecting me with him, were obliterated, and what was worse: it was at the hands of a half-vampire infant. That's what I got for trusting him; trusting him to be the _one _person who _might _be as miserable as I was. That's what I got.

Just like that, things began to again barrel downhill. Next came the wedding, the almost lethal affair that had me running as a wolf for weeks after. I'd dolled up in the most hideous magenta gown that would have made Stacy and Clinton piss themselves with pride, put on a smile the entire evening, and for what? For Sam Uley, that slimy son-of-a-bitch, to stand in front of his friends and family (all of whom knew well the werewolf secret) and announce that his life as a pack Alpha was over. He was quitting the werewolf life to grow old with dear Emily. I almost burst into wolf form right then and there; had I allowed Sam to come within biting distance I very well might have. I'd run from the scene, too furious to risk taking someone out who might not actually deserve it. It still made me tremble, the very thought of that evening…

But what was done was done. The Alpha-ship went to Paul, the transition of power passing without a hitch.

Anyway the blows didn't stop there. A year later was the announcement (one we only managed to receive because Paul had mentioned it when meeting briefly with Jacob) that Sam's darling Emily was pregnant. She gave birth nine months later to a perfectly healthy baby boy they named Ian Stanley. Yeah, it was enough to make me vomit. Of course, plenty of the others wanted to see him and coddle him and all that fun stuff but I never bothered, and no one else ever bothered me about it. They knew as well as I that I couldn't take it. Not now. Not ever. So they kept their thoughts in different directions when they ran with me.

I grimaced inwardly as I tore my prey apart, prodding deeper to find the more tender flesh. That was all behind me, anyway. It wasn't so much that those things had happened period, it was that they were perpetually there, like a mosaic taped over my face constantly reminding me of what I couldn't have, what I never would find. Because in the end, everybody had found their happily ever after-- except me. Sam and Emily now had their own family with a son; Jacob's little monster had stopped aging at the maturity of an 18-year-old, breathtakingly beautiful and immortal as any bloodsucker; Quil's Claire had grown up and he, too, had stopped transforming so he could age with her; Jared had stopped transforming for Kim; and even the leeches had found their own closure to the circle of happiness. And _then_, on top of it all, even my brother, my imp brother, had found his soul mate, the mass object whose gravity was meant to capture him for all eternity. The mutt had imprinted upon his first day attending the community college at which he'd studied part time, and the girl now lived with our mother on the reservation, there waiting for him every time he returned from his patrol.

I supposed this was where my random camaraderie with Embry had sprung from. He and I were the only ones left in the pack who had not hooked into the soul mate trend. We had both been running alone since the standoff against the Italian Blood Drinkers… how long ago was that? I tried to stop my mind from answering but it had already calculated it; I knew already that I knew the time down to the day. Eighteen years, eleven months, and fourteen days. Ugh. I grimaced at myself. That was pathetic.

_Yeah, it was_. Seth mumbled, rolling his eyes. _And I wouldn't mind it if you quit referring to Amber like she was a planet. That's really insulting_.

_Sorry_, I thought sardonically. _I'll work on my metaphors while you're on break_.

I felt him roll his eyes at me.

_If you two are done squabbling you might want to come up here._ Embry cut in, his eyes and nose deep in a strange path astray from our well-run-in perimeter. _There's a trail here you might want to see_.

I hadn't even noticed his tangent during my absence in thought, but now that I paid attention I realized he was buried snout-deep in a strange trail that crossed our perimeter on the eastern side. I was alert at once, forgetting completely the immediate hunger that had driven me to hunt as a wolf tonight. For reference, I was rather good at sucking it up long enough to accept food from the vampires, though most nights I took my meal at home before I ran out to patrol, but this evening I had been in a hurry.

My head jolted up and I hastened to get the blood from my snout as I took off running south. Seth was not far behind.

_What is it, Embry?_ He asked urgently, his thoughts strained. _Is it vampire? Human?_

_Definitely vampire_. Embry answered stiffly, his entire face scrunched from the burn of the scent. _But I don't recognize it. It's not even remotely familiar; I've never smelled it before._

I was at his side long before Seth could bound his way to us. Without a word, I dipped my own nose into the scent. My nose immediately wrinkled, the sweet burn searing down my throat. _I don't recognize it, either. _I looked up at him, my eyes serious. _What's a strange bloodsucker doing on our land?_

_Hold on!_ Seth panted, almost to us. _Let me smell!_

We waited and seconds later Seth barreled into view. He skidded to a stop and immediately shoved his nose into the new trail. His face didn't even distort, but his great parchment-colored head wagged back and forth. _Nope. Never smelled it before in my life._

_So we've got a total stranger running around near the house… _This thought didn't sit well with me.

_Wait, how does that work?_ Seth scowled, looking at me. _If a vampire was coming to visit, why didn't Alice see it?_

Embry cocked his head. _She _has_ been a bit out of it, lately. What with Jake and Nessie getting hitched._

I snorted. Oh yeah. The wedding. _Yeah she's got other things on her mind._

_But still… I feel like she really should have seen this even if she was busy._ Seth was still looking at me. As if _I_ had the answer.

_It doesn't matter if Alice saw it or not, Seth, the point is we have an unknown vampire running around inside out territory._ I told him sharply.

_What's the plan, Chief?_ Embry looked at me, too, now, this time alert rather than expecting.

I hesitated. _Can you tell which way it came from?_

We all sniffed the trail again, concentrating. We all withdrew at the same time.

_No_. We uttered together.

_Embry, run north a bit and see if the trail gets fresher. I'll check South._

Embry trotted a ways to the north and I turned the opposite direction with my nose to the ground, scowling inwardly. Of course, waiting and watching had never been Seth's forte. He shifted his weight in place and glanced anxiously between Embry and me as we each made our way in our respective directions.

Suddenly my ears were flat against my head and I yelped in surprise, my head popping up.

_What is it?_ Seth was at my side in an instant, sniffing the trail curiously.

_It's still fresh here. But it's not the same scent._

Embry's own nose came up from his trail. Two_ vampires?_

I nodded my head. _Two vampires._

Embry cursed silently.

_Where'd they come from, though? Seth,_ His ears pricked forward as I addressed him. _Run back to where the trail met ours and see where it came from._

He did so quickly, a bit too eager for my comfort. I'd never get used to his being an active part of the unit. After a second of snuffling around he found the entrance of the new scent into our perimeter. _East._ He answered sharply.

_So they came in from the east…_ I thought it through, my eyes distant. I trotted back towards Seth and Embry followed suit. We converged and stopped again at the beginning of the split vampire trail. _And they split up… but why? _ I glanced down, scrutinizing the trail. Oh. That's why. _Huh. They smelled our trail. So they split up to find us._

Embry seemed surprised by this. _What makes you think they split up for us?_

I shot him a knowing look. _What would you do if you encountered a ring of vampire stench?_

He considered it. _Good point_.

_So we've got a pair of vampires running our perimeter trying to find us? _Seth seemed jazzed now; there was a bit too much enthusiasm to his thought.

_Easy, mutt, that's just a theory. But yes, I expect that once they sniffed our scent they were so taken aback they split up to hunt us down. _

_So what do we do? Do we fight them?_ Embry asked, the same unsettling excitement thrumming in his mind.

I wanted to groan. _You know how the Doc hates fighting. Let's just find them and try to explain we're just here to protect, not to hunt, alright?_

Seth gave me a reproachful look. _Look who's all for 'bloodsucker' diplomacy._

I knew what he meant. A decade ago I would have jumped at the opportunity to take down a vampire. Even within the last couple years, I would definitely not have been opposed to a fight with them. But these days it never seemed worth it, and I just was not in the mood for that much conflict right now. _Admit it; you won't kill a friendly one_.

He grimaced, but didn't argue.

_Okay_. I looked pointedly to my brother. _Run back and tell the Cullens and Jacob. We don't need backup yet, but they should be prepared for conflict should it ensue. Embry_, I turned to the other wolf. _I'll chase the trail going south. You follow the scent going north. Hopefully we'll both be able to talk them into coming back together and discussing this like civilized beings. If you get as far as having to phase back to talk to them… well make sure they're not going to ambush you, first. Otherwise stay as a wolf and keep in touch._

_Ay, ay, Captain!_ Seth darted off to the west, heading headlong for the Cullen house. Embry gave me a sharp nod and took off after the trail headed north. I took a deep breath and bolted south, following the strange but familiar scent.

It occurred to me that I should feel powerful right now, considering I, being Jacob's Second, was in command of the first bit of excitement we'd had since Jacob's Loch Ness had stopped growing. The power was hollow, though, and I felt no true thrill. This was not much more than routine. All the real power was Jacob's anyway; those in the renegade pack were here because of him. It was hard not to like the guy, considering I hadn't heard his Alpha voice since he'd given Sam the finger all those years ago. Either way, the honor and duty of being the Alpha's Right Flank had meant little to me after Jacob no longer belonged to his pack first. He was always that little hybrid's, first and foremost.

I streaked along the trail, barely noticing the trees and other wildlife that flashed by me in a blur. Since my first transformation I had defined myself by my speed; it was really the only remarkable thing I had left to my name. While all else that had ever meant anything to me had perished, this one tiny ability was left to me. The speed; the ability to outrun anything and everything I'd yet come up against. Even my brothers in the pack. I may not be beautiful or strong or irresistibly charismatic, but I was fast. Very, very fast.

The trail stayed just outside our invisible boundary that was marked by our scent, curving in a parallel circle around the side to the southernmost tip of our perimeter. I had my nose close to the ground, my eyes up, not really paying attention. Suddenly everything in me, down to the arteries in my oversized paws, froze over. My limbs bolted out in front of me and my heels dug into the soft mud. I jolted to a stop, my limbs frozen, my disbelieving senses trained on the point I'd just crossed. Slowly, I turned myself around and stepped back, my nostrils brushing the grass beneath me. I half expected to find only the burning vampire scent, what had frozen my senses being completely of my own fabrication. But there it was.

_Guys,_ I managed, my eyes wide. _There's another trail_.

_What?!! _They both thought simultaneously.

_There's a third trail. It runs right into the trail going south._

_THREE vampires?_ Seth choked.

_No._ I corrected, my nose still taking in the scent. _This one is… _animal_ like. Almost like a… a wolf._

There was a shocked pause, then Embry sprang in with his doubt. _Did some lost wolf wander into here or something?_

_No, I mean, not so much a wolf, but as in a Wolf-- like us_. I took in the scent again. It had a human hint in it, but it was definitely fur and hot blood; canine.

_What do you mean, like us? As in LIKE us, like us? Or genuine, I-only-change-when-the-moon-is-full werewolf?_ Seth questioned. He was in the vampires' living room; I could hear the song-like voices surrounding him.

_I think he's a shape-shifter,_ I concluded, feeling the function returning to my limbs. _It's got something really familiar about it, but I know I've never smelled it before_. It was _really_ familiar, actually. It felt like I was looking into the face of someone I really should know, but was tongue-tied for that person's name. I smelled the extreme familiarity of the scent, but I could not find a face to go with it. Not even a wolf face. I knew for a fact that I'd never smelled it before.

Now, of course, the question remained of what to do. I hesitated there, my thoughts twisting in incoherent knots. I really had to keep going; those vampires were still chasing our trail and would at any moment trace it to one of us. But this ringing familiarity… no, I had to keep going. I turned to the west, ready to keep running, but everything in my body screamed in protest, aching to follow the mysterious trail that sprinted south, towards town. I debated silently. My pack was in danger. But I couldn't leave this scent. After all, this could be as much of a threat to us as the vampires. If the wolf was hostile or perhaps from some unknown pack that sought to annihilate all others of its kind. Something like this, of course, sounded far fetched and frankly the result of too much free time and a lot of daytime television, but knowing our luck something that ridiculous had a good chance of happening to us. I couldn't turn away; I had to follow this trail. Finally, my mind flitted to Seth.

_Seth_. His head sprang up, finding in my thoughts my newfound necessity for him. _Tell Jake to phase so we can tell him what's going on. He can stay with the hybrid but he'll have to hear for himself what's going on. Then come take this southern trail and find the vamp it belongs to. I've got to follow this._ I indicated the new, animalistic trail.

Seth leapt to his feet, turning to Edward to let him know the new order.

I willed myself to calm down as I waited for Jacob to jog away from the house to transform, and then return for Seth to leave. I could feel the unexplainable pull towards the south, the absolute need to find the owner of this wolf-like scent. It was a draw that could only be instinctual: the undeniable need to protect what was mine, and that could only mean that the owner of this scent was trouble. Big trouble. A catastrophe I had to stop.

It was the first sense of true purpose I'd felt in a very, _very_ long time. If for no other reason than to marvel at this feeling longer, I'd follow this trail as far as I'd have to.

Seth finally made it to my side, his eyes alight and excited. _'Luck, sis!_ And with that he bounded off to the west, continuing along the circle where I'd left off. I watched him go, then turned to face southward, my eyes afire with focus. I rolled onto my haunches and launched myself forward, tearing away through the trees after the unseen, unknown wolf.

* * *

**A/N: **I really hope you like it so far-- Like I said it might be already written but I wanted to let my imagination go on this one. All comments welcome; flames, too, if that's all you have!


	2. You Have GOT to be Kidding Me

**A/N**: Thanks for the reviews! Not much to say about this part but that the profanity continues, so don't read if you don't like. =D Tell me what you think please!!

* * *

**Part Two**

I blinked once and I was already sprinting all out toward the town, the rhythmic thrums of my brothers' paws against the ground audible only through their ears. My own were pinned back against my head as I stretched out my nose, taking in the scent. I hadn't been this single-minded since my days of running in La Push-- when I'd be on patrol while Sam wasn't and I was for a brief breath able to be alone-- or as alone as one could be with ten or so pack brothers. The pull, though, was so very real, it was as if the scent I was chasing was literally hauling me in pursuit of its owner, as if I had no control at all in my direction; I was completely dependent on the position of the trail in front of me.

This pure, animalistic instinct to catch this intruder was both baffling and overwhelming. My instinct to protect had never been so easily triggered, especially since it had been protecting vampires for almost twenty years.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I could see the trees that surrounded Embry and Seth as they hurdled along what had been our familiar, mundane perimeter. Now, of course, it was not so predictable; they could both be attacked at any moment, and they both knew it. They ran with relative ease, though, both focused intensely on their respective trails and keeping their ears and eyes moving to catch even the slightest change in landscape. Neither had hit any abnormality yet. This had them both more nervous, though. I half expected to see a bleach-white apparition spring from nowhere and take either one of my brothers from me. But they knew better than to be caught so suddenly by surprise. Everything about them functioned as a tool to detect and destroy the cold-skinned creatures that through history had been our enemy. They could handle themselves now.

Besides, I had my own danger to find. The threat of the foreign wolf that had crossed our path and retreated. I had no way of knowing if the retreat was real or just a strategic preceding to a more well-prepared affront to our forces. Whoever this strange wolf was, he presented a danger not only as himself, but because he could have a pack, a full force of wolves behind him (and I was sure that he was a guy-- I'd only ever known one female werewolf to exist in history: me. And I wasn't even supposed to exist. Whoever this was, I was about 99.985% sure he was male-- even the scent smelled masculine). Finding him was imperative. Not an option. I had to catch him.

And then any worry for my brothers I had left to me was effectively overshadowed by a strange, intense howl anxiously close in front of me.

My attention snapped entirely to my own mind, the sound echoing in my head as I searched for its source. Suddenly I could make out a blurring shape darting ahead of me in the trees.

I almost howled in my own triumph.

_Found him!_ I screamed silently, forgetting my superfluous concern for Embry and Seth and charging forward. I watched as my target caught the scent and sound of his follower, and very subtly bent his head to glance over his shoulder. I strained my eyes to pierce the night and make out its shape. The wolf itself was absolutely massive; elephantine in size even by our standards. Typically, we phased into creatures much larger than normal wolves, closer to the size of a horse. He, though, was roughly the size and mass of a mini-van, and looked as if he could take a Mack truck to the face and come out without so much as a headache. And he probably could. His fur must have been black: no other color could blend so perfectly into the night, and he streaked through the trees as if he were not there at all. I might have half believed that had I not heard his racing heart, his pounding paws, and the snort of his frightened breath. Just as his eye peeked into view around the side of his head, though, it had disappeared, and the intruder barreled blindly forward in a fresh thrust of speed. I reacted like a viper, a low, angry snarl escaping my throat as I bounded after him. The dark shape streaked southward, weaving in and out of trees just beyond my grasp. I poured on the speed, my jaw clenched and my eyes burning. I didn't care how big this guy was. He was going down.

I gathered my breath in my lungs and with an angry explosion of heat I hit another gear, hurling myself forward in my attempt to draw close enough to him to take him down. To my outrage the renegade almost simultaneously dodged to the left, nearly disappearing in the shadows of the towering trees. I growled savagely and pounced sideways, continuing after him. _Damnit_ he was fast! I didn't know anyone who could outrun me in La Push or in Forks. Where the hell had this guy come from?

It suddenly occurred to me that everything about the moment was impossibly wrong. I was barreling headlong after some renegade wolf that had for some unknown reason wandered across our tracks, and he'd not taken more than a few steps on our land before turning south and fleeing. What was he to me? I had no answer or even a distant theory. All I knew was I wanted to catch that shaded, fleeting silhouette more than I wanted my next breath. I pushed myself faster.

Even objectively it made no sense. He was obviously no danger to us; practically harmless since he seemed to have no interest in the creatures we protected. He hadn't even gotten close enough to _smell_ the family, let alone see it; attack it. He wasn't about to try to massacre the coven. And he certainly didn't seem interested in picking a fight with us wolves. Even if he _did_ have some pack waiting somewhere, there was no reason _they _would want to attack us, either. I didn't know of any pack of strange werewolves who would even know we existed here, let alone one that would hold a grudge specifically against the eight and a half vampires we protected. And I didn't know of a werewolf pack that would attack unless assaulted first, anyway. So why the hell was I barreling after some freaked out nomad wolf who had tripped into our path? Why not let him go?

But my feet wouldn't cease. I suppressed a growl and dug in again, my eyes and attention locked on the inky form ahead of me.

I really could stop now. He was never a threat. He was barely even on our land.

My feet continued.

What was wrong with me? I hadn't been this engrossed in a chase since that fight with the newborn leeches way back when. Was this really a territorial thing? Was I just reacting to another getting so close to the land I'd called mine for nearly twenty years? I knew without hesitation that that was impossible. I hadn't even been that protective of La Push, though that instinct was written into my genes.

Now frustrated and irate with my own questions, I simply stopped asking them. I had no answers. I had only my instinct, and right now, it said go faster. So I dug in again.

I wondered briefly why Embry and Seth hadn't yet reproached me for chasing this rebel so far, especially when they had a more pressing matter there and I had no reason outside pure lack of logic for wanting so badly to take this guy down. Then I realized that they'd found their targets, too.

Defying all reason, I didn't care.

More speed. Faster. I needed to catch him, I _needed_ to…

We were nearing Forks now, our chase carrying us at dizzying speed towards hazardous civilization.

Suddenly my limbs lurched to a stop; I nearly tripped over myself in my hurry to halt my raging momentum. I stopped because my target, the mysterious intruder, had also stopped. He'd stopped because he could run no farther, as though it were physically impossible, and now fought with himself as he moved against his instinct to flee. Fought against his instincts to turn his trembling, terrified, yellow-gold eyes to me.

For one surreal, horrifying moment, Sam's face sprang into my mind. As the enormous wolf before me slowly turned his head to look at me, I saw my entire painful existence, down to this evening's sickening meal, stretch out before me. I could see every moment of anguish; hear, smell, and feel every ounce of agony, every knife that had slashed me into the tiny fragments that now made up my lacerated heart. Realizing the man I'd thought would never let me go could no longer stand to look at me, finding out I could never be good enough even if I tried, for I couldn't fight with werewolf voodoo; becoming so lost in my misery I wished for death, coming into life again to find I was the girl everyone knew but no one pitied. I saw the day my body first burst into flames and I emerged from the fire as a wolf, stunned and terrified. I saw the moment I'd first seen Sam's mind, felt the absolute, unbridled torment of watching him with Emily through his pure, uncensored thoughts. I watched him and Emily vow to each other to spend their lives together, saw everyone I knew turn away from me as if I would never be enough to hold their attention, saw my hatred and resentment build up and lash out at everyone around me. And for a moment, the pain was more than I could bear.

Then it was gone. It never actually disappeared, necessarily, but it may as well have. It was like time had frozen, and everything around me melted in the cold autumn rain. All I could see, all I could comprehend, was a pair of quivering, golden eyes. They were frozen, too, like time really had stopped, like I was suddenly more alone than I had ever been in my entire life despite the fact I now faced this enormous, mysterious wolf. Suddenly I could feel everything I knew begin to lose grip and slip silently away. Everything I'd ever known, including that which had kept me perpetually imprisoned in my own torment; everything that had previously defined me: I watched it all noiselessly detach from me, like seeds plucked from a dandelion and sent floating towards earth. My father. Pluck. My mother. Pluck. My childhood, my middle school, my high school. Pluck, pluck, pluck. My friends before I first transformed, then those after. The Quileute pack. Paul, Jared, and the young ones, Collin and Brady. Sam. Pluck, pluck, pluck, pluck, pluck. Then my new pack: Embry, Quil, and my brother. Jacob. The Cullens. Then everything intangible about me: any hope I had left to my name, my dreams, my thoughts. Everything I had planned with Sam, what fell apart after him then came together in their own twisted way after that. All my regret, my aching, my unbridled loathing, my absolute vendetta for all happiness that I could not have. Everything in which I found some kind of happiness, everything I truly loved; that which I distasted and reviled. Everything that made me who I was; all of it was stripped from me. It fell as if pulled still by the force of gravity, but nothing encased it anymore, it simply fell infinitely through oblivion like a billion falling stars. For a fleeting moment, I stood one hundred percent free of all ties to anything, a being so completely alone I served no purpose; had no point in wandering this earth. Something so completely lost and shapeless it could at any moment blow away in a gust of wind, and thereafter cease to exist forever. Then, as all those ties, every last thing that made up my very being, fell through oblivion, suddenly oblivion, too, melted away, and all those things, all those ties, fell to rest slowly, gently, atop the massive, heaving shoulders of the creature before me. The pitch-black wolf with the staring gold eyes. And just like that, nothing else mattered anymore. It was as if in one breath, my life had gone from being inconceivably complex to being astoundingly simple. All there was that ever would exist to me now existed around him. Only him. It was no longer gravity or forces of nature holding me to earth, it was him.

There was absolute silence for an infinite moment. In my head, the voices writhed and snarled, but to me it felt like a dimmed TV on mute. Neither of us moved.

Then, without warning, the black wolf's beautiful eyes filled with an unendurable agony, and all too soon the lids atop them closed tight and the great dog threw back its head, shrieking out the most heart-wrenching howl I'd ever heard. I felt my heart wrench in a new kind of agony, one that was completely unfamiliar to me, but for some reason that made it ten times worse, impaling me through the chest and choking me by the throat. Then, against all forces of nature I felt now governed my world, the wolf turned away from me and charged southward again, his head between his knees and his eyes still closed. I could almost hear a tangible noise, the cringing, tearing sound as he wrenched half of me away and took off with it, leaving me decapitated and bleeding behind him.

With him, he took my every reason for breathing.

"Wait!!" I tried to cry but it came out a sharp, confused bark. Regardless, I called out again. "Wait! Come back! Come back!!" These barks sounded even more desperate than the first. I was one step away from taking off after him when Jacob's voice rang again in my head.

_Leah. Come back. We need you here_.

The urgency in his voice barely registered as I strained after the black wolf, the center of my entire world now. _But he…_

_Leah._ Jacob's voice was sympathetic, but hard-pressed. _They found the vampires. Well, the vampires found them. And neither of them want to talk. _This had my attention, but still I strained after the yellow-eyed might very well have to force me if he wanted me to--

_Leah_. He chided, pleading. _Come back. You can find him later. We need you. _I_ need you. Now._

* * *

**A/N:** Any and all reviews are appreciated!!


	3. Stupid Freaking Jacob

* * *

  


**A/N**: Merry Christmas, everyone!! Or, Happy Hanukkah or Quanza or really whatever you celebrate this time of year!! And Happy New Year! Whatever holiday, I happen to believe in the season of giving so VOILA: a new chapter. Whether this is a gift or a curse to the world, I don't know, but EHH I figured for those who do like it they might want to know what happens. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter Three**

It took every ounce of my reserve to turn away, every fiber of inner strength I had to tear my eyes from the spot where the black wolf had disappeared. Like the command of the Alpha I forced my legs to move, stepping robotically away from the spot while my every emotion and instinct fought and raged inside of me. Everything in me except my bones, muscle, and skin had flown away after that yellow-eyed wolf. Now I was left, a hollow shell, trying desperately to force myself to move against nature itself.

_Thank you, Leah_. Jacob's voice murmured.

_**What**_**,** I managed, barely containing myself. _Is the god-damn emergency?_

_Listen to Seth and Embry, Leah._ Jake replied without a note of condescension. That was not going to be easy. My concentration was well occupied. I was suddenly aware, though, of savage snarls and gusts of wind around solid objects coming from the ears of my pack. Both wolves whipped their heads back and forth, following untraceable apparitions the color of marble as they attacked and retreated in the darkness, absolute fury written on their stone-like faces. That part of me that still functioned normally, however infinitesimal and undetectable that part felt to me at this point, froze in terror. Jacob swiftly explained. _A female found Seth while he was running and attacked without hesitation. Seth handled himself pretty well, trying gain her attention without letting her kill him, but the female's mate showed up. Luckily, Embry found them at the same time. But neither of the vampires will listen. I have to go talk to them… in my human form. _There was a pause; he was checking to see if I was listening. I was doing my best. My heart and mind strove to the South, but a part of each listened back to Jacob. He went on, lost in stress. No part of him was comfortable appearing in front of strange vampires human. _But Nessie has to stay here. I won't let anyone else come with and I won't ask you to go in front of those vampires human. I just need you to guard the house and make sure she's safe. _

I sighed and closed my eyes, beginning now to force my legs into a moving pace. Of course. This had Jacob written all over it. He would never send his pack into a fight without being there with it, and he would never ask any one of us to make himself vulnerable in front of an unknown enemy. But he would also never leave Renesmee unprotected-- and by unprotected I mean lacking a werewolf guard. Because eight vampires obviously couldn't handle the job.

I opened my eyes. _I'm on my way_.

_Thank you_. Jacob's voice was beyond recognition, so lost was he in relief. I willed myself not to fall apart. I felt his awareness fade out as he phased back to human.

I took off running back towards the house, feeling as if literally half my body remained tarred and concreted to the spot where I'd lost sight of the wolf, and as I ran I tore myself in two and waddled awkwardly without my second half. Some distractible part of me noted the incredible strength I had to have possessed, to be able to turn away from the object on which I had just moments ago --I honestly had to say it or I'd never believe it-- _imprinted_ (another, more detached part of me laughed out loud at this fact-- I'd honestly believed with a veracity that such a thing was impossible for me). I was running away from my soul mate. I'd waited eighteen years for someone to come and erase Sam from my mind, to lift the pain that daily engulfed me, and now I was running away from him, leaving him alone to himself. No wonder I felt destroyed.

Roughly ninety-seven percent of me knew that this danger that currently confronted my pack should concern me, and was slightly ashamed of the fact that it didn't. It should matter that there was a pair of stinking vampires after my brothers, but at the moment, all I could think about was that pair of tortured yellow eyes.

Every step I took in my run back to the house felt physically painful to me. By the time I was within range of their burning sweet scent, I felt as if I had been sliced wide open and my insides had been set ablaze. It shocked me, the tangible pain I felt at being separated from this total stranger. It would soon kill me, of that I was absolutely sure.

Within the span of my absent-minded thought I was crossing the perimeter back onto our land, and within minutes I was sliding my haunches beneath me and squealing to a stop before the huge, picture-perfect house. Jacob was sitting on the front porch steps, waiting, his head in his hands. He looked up at the sound of my steady breaths and feather-light paws, and sprang to his feet. The words he wished to say, but couldn't, were instead written all over his arduously-composed face: _thank you_.

I sighed with the weight of an ocean and motioned my head to the west, thinking the words I knew he wouldn't hear. _Fucking go_. Jacob nodded as if he'd understood, and in a flash he was sprinting due west. I watched him until he faded from my line of sight, then turned and trudged to the foot of the porch steps, preparing to while away the time until the confrontation at the perimeter was resolved. In the meantime, I would try with everything I had not to go completely insane with my desire to return to that dark spot in the woods where I'd lost sight of my soul mate.

* * *

The fight on our perimeter seemed to drag on forever. I watched from the eyes of Embry and my brother, pacing viciously back and forth in front of the Cullen house. None of the family came out to greet me, though they must have known I was there. Maybe they knew I'd be likely to lose it if they tried to talk friendly with me. I was already so on edge it would be impossible to phase back even when it would be more appropriate. Every emotion I had these days seemed to somehow morph together into rage, particularly the deep, crippling longing that was now transformed and shifted in an entirely different direction. Before, of course, the yearning had been for what I would never again have: Sam. This yearning was much different; it was unnatural, a magic that topped even the ridiculous tribal hocus pocus that made me change into a gigantic ball of sprinting fur. It absolutely consumed me; it seemed determined to avenge the transgression against its superior power I had committed in turning away from the black wolf. I didn't know what I'd do if they didn't return, and if they didn't do so soon.

I watched Jacob sprint into Embry's sight at full speed, screaming over the growls and snarls to stop. Too shocked to function, the vampires froze for an infinitesimal second: long enough to realize that Jake was, in fact, human, or at least very apparently so. They obviously noted the blood in his veins and the heart beating in his chest. Within the next instant, however, they had realized the connection between his canine scent and the scent of the dogs they had been fighting. They might have returned to the fight, had the wolves themselves not taken the opportunity to finally relax their stance and back up to align themselves next to Jacob. By then totally baffled, the two cold-skinned creatures glanced frantically between Jacob, Embry and Seth, and each other. Jacob then jumped in, explaining that they were not what the two of them had originally assumed they were: the Children of the Moon that were the mortal enemies of their kind. We were still enemies, of course, but Jacob strategically left that part out. He described the difference, and by that time the intruders' noses were so crunched up in their skulls they looked comical. They finally consented to cease attack, but refused to stay any longer amidst the stench. The two disappeared in a flash together, leaving Jake, Embry, and my brother in peace.

Throughout the scene I was pacing a hostile line back and forth before the house, my attention barely on the path in front of me or even the conflict being resolved in the woods. I focused instead on little, trivial things, so as to keep myself from breaking my word and taking off after my heart's desire. I started with wondering why on earth Jacob felt the need to do all the work, when one of the Cullens would have sufficed just as well in playing the mediator. It was their kind that was causing the trouble, anyway. But then I figured Jake would take it as a personal quarrel between the leeches and the pack, and would feel obligated to keep the Cullens from entering even if they offered. No doubt the Doc himself would have offered to smooth it out, but now that I thought about it, Jacob definitely would have declined. "No need to walk into the fire, Doc, this is my problem. I'll take care of it.". Yeah, that sounded like Jacob. Jacob in his Alpha mode, anyway.

I suppressed a growl as I continued to pace. Finally I watched Embry and Seth turn to Jacob as the two pissy intruders disappeared, and heard Jacob tell them to check the perimeter once more, then meet back at the house. I forced animation into my feet as I leapt around to face the west, waiting impatiently. Jacob appeared seconds later, looking sluggish and completely drained. He swept into the house with only a quick glance at me, his expression loaded again with gratitude. A minute later Seth and Embry slipped from my consciousness and I was alone in my head again. They both jogged into the clearing together, both human. They, though, stopped by me as they moved toward the house. Seth seemed to hesitate, then placed a hand carefully on my shoulder. I almost bit it, but restrained myself.

"Jake wants us inside." He murmured quietly. "Just for a minute or two."

I almost sat back and screamed the most miserable howl I could muster at the top of my lungs. Again, I resisted, surprising myself more and more with how much I could stand without losing control. A rebel groan mixed with a low growl in my throat, though, and I gazed at him with disbelieving eyes.

"Not for long, Leah." Embry stepped forward, looking unsure. "He just wants to discuss tightening our perimeter for a bit so we get better coverage-- just until we know they're not coming back, or that they don't have any friends coming or something."

I growled again. This was far too much. _Whatever he can say, he can phase to say_. I thought viciously, but of course they couldn't hear. Embry bit his lip and glanced at Seth, and my brother shrugged to me, his expression one of clear innocence in attempt to win me over.

I stared blankly at him, clenching my jaw tight as I whined quietly. I wasn't sure I could even manage to phase at this point, let alone waltz into the house of vampire stink and sit serenely while he talked at me. Seth glanced me over once more, knowing full well the pain I was in, as he'd been simultaneously experiencing it as he'd fought. The same went for Embry; that much was written on his face, though he tried to cover it. Part of me felt guilty. Part of me knew it wasn't within my control, and didn't care.

"Just for a minute, sis. Go on. The quicker you phase the sooner it'll be done." With that and a final sweep of his concerned eyes, he and Embry slipped into the house.

I growled low to myself, but then, with an incredible effort, I turned to the southwest and sprinted into the trees. With a distressed mind I poked around in the leaves near a tree surrounding the clearing around the Cullen house. In twenty years in this pack I'd learned that there were some things I had to do human, and for that I needed clothes. And as tolerant as I'd become of the Cullens, I had no intention of borrowing their clothes if I could help it. For one, I'd never been Esme's size. And for another, the scent was actually physically painful, no matter how much I was used to it. But I was a girl; I needed more coverage than the guys did. I always had. And it was far beyond my tolerance level to have all of it strapped to my ankle as I ran. So I'd gotten into the habit of hiding outfits in the woods around the house in places I often passed, so if I wanted to transform at any point it would be easier. Most of the time I didn't need it; I would run home as a wolf, phase in my garage, and head inside to clothe myself. Circumstances like this one, though, were the reasons I kept spares around.

I snuffled in the trees, barely aware, until I found the black trash bag I'd used to protect the outfit when I'd placed it. Now was the hard part. The fire was scorching me all over, consuming my limbs and concentrated in white hot flame along my spine. The burning passion was entirely for one thing, but I had to contain it. I started taking deep, methodic breaths, and concentrated on contracting the fire into my spine. I filled my lungs until they could take no more, then pushed the air back out. The fire slowly, sluggishly cooled, and with an intense concentration that exhausted me, I managed to phase back. Ignoring the triumphant feeling within me, I wrenched the bag open and dressed quickly in the sweatpants, tank top, and undergarments inside, then swiftly tugged the hair brush I'd packed through my stick-straight, shoulder length hair. Shaking it carelessly, I shoved the brush back into the bag and walked stiffly toward the house, leaving it there.

The conversation inside was at a low buzz; I stepped through the door cautiously, moving straight to the living room and standing hesitantly in the doorway. All of the Cullens were there: The doctor and his wife were on the couch, next to them Alice, the fortune teller, and Jasper. The mind reader sat in the easy chair next to the couch, Bella on the floor before it, leaning against his knees. The brawny one and the snob (she hadn't changed much in eighteen years- apparently even the sour ones didn't change at all) were closer to the dining room, standing. Finally, I spotted my pack circled in the center of it all, seated and relaxed for the first time all evening. Jacob sat with the little hybrid on his lap (though she'd grown at an eye-popping rate, she'd matured to be a size smaller than Bella), who leaned into his chest comfortably, anxiously toying with the thin gold chain holding her locket around her neck. Around them, Embry and Seth were still muttering, seated cross-legged in front of him. Jacob listened with an exhausted expression.

I didn't need to announce my arrival, thankfully, as in a house full of mythical creatures no one was without superhuman hearing. They looked up expectantly as I came into view. The first expression I saw was Alice's, mostly because while she looked as curious as the rest of them, her expression was also mixed with bitter frustration; she hated being unable to see what would happen, and the minute we got involved in anything the vision disappeared. This was well-known fact. I managed a small smile that probably came out more as a grimace and nodded hello to her, willing my eyes to look friendly. She seemed to relax into sympathy as she returned my greeting, which set me wondering if Jacob had told everyone what had happened to me in my own chase this evening. One glance at Edward and I knew my answer, for he nodded subtly at my silent question. I couldn't keep the sigh. This would be difficult.

"Leah!" The half-human forever-18-year-old in Jake's lap exclaimed. She half-turned to Jacob, resting a delicate hand against his cheek.

Jake glanced at me uneasily and seemed to debate for a minute before directing his question at me. "Leah, Nessie wants to know if it's okay to hug you hello. She knows you're not really that kind of person, but she--"

"Sure, Ness." I breathed, caring very little about any of my petty peeves that had previously defined me. I stretched out my arms, managing to force for her an infinitesimal smile that I hoped looked friendly. "Let me have it, Bugsy."

An irresistible grin stretched over her face at the nickname I'd been calling her since she was perhaps four months old, of course at physical maturity of a 19-month-old. It seemed to fit her because at the time; she'd been on a rapid growth spurt like even the mythological world had never seen, like a caterpillar in its first weeks of life. Well, at least I'd told _her_ that was why I called her that. The real reason at the time had been simply because she was irresistible, and won others over at the drop of a hat, which frankly disgusted me and had kept me from ever meeting her for a very long time. The way she snuck into everyone's favor like she did had reminded me of the surreptitious spread an infection. Of course, I never revealed that to her, and the only vampire who could know, Edward, was feigning oblivion to it, so it remained a secret between us and the pack.

Renesmee sprang to her feet and in one quick, fluent motion was before me, wrapping her hot arms around my middle. I returned the hug, unable to refuse her. She drew back with a sad expression and laid her fingers lightly against my cheek. I saw Jacob telling the others moments ago how I had imprinted on the stranger in the woods. The vision had a sympathetic mood; she was sorry I was here and away from my soul mate. She could not imagine letting Jacob leave. Fortunately for her, she'd never have to.

I nodded in response to her and lightly skimmed her nose with my finger. "Don't worry about me, Bugsy," was all I could manage. She looked worried anyway, but reluctantly returned to her spot in Jacob's arms. Everyone was watching me by now, but I ignored their gaze and sat next to Jacob, barely able to function.

"I know you like your wolf form better, but I wanted the Cullens to be able to hear and contribute, too, without Edward as a translator." Jacob explained unnecessarily.

I nodded, not entirely there.

Jacob took a deep breath and explained. "I know Kyra and Parker-- that was their names, those two vampires--" he explained for the benefit of the Cullens that hadn't watched the fight happen. "never actually made it beyond our perimeter, but they still slipped by us undetected for anywhere between five and fifteen minutes." He glanced between the three of us, then added quickly, "I'm not trying to blame anyone or anything, I'm just saying--"

"We got it, Chief." Seth waved it away dismissively.

"So yeah." Jacob chewed his lip. "You see my concern, though. That doesn't make anyone in this room happy, that someone was in danger tonight, even though we work to prevent that." There were several nods in agreement. Nessie placed her hand tenderly on Jacob's cheek, and whatever she showed him made him smile tiredly at her and kiss her temple. My heart was on fire. "So I figure we take in the perimeter by a mile. Is that too much? Too little?" After almost two decades as our Alpha, he still questioned frequently his own judgment.

Embry was nodding thoughtfully. "Two wolves can still run that comfortably."

Seth nodded. "Yep, sounds good, Captain."

Jacob nodded. "Alright. So we'll still have two wolves on watch at a time, on the same schedule. Just take the border in by a mile." There were sober nods of agreement.

Was this it? Was this what I was ripping apart my soul to take part in? Jacob could have done all of this without my help. I needed more to find the other half of me than to decide if Jacob's decision to shrink our circle by a mile was wise. I felt the heat surge again and fought it back with a locked jaw, closing my eyes in concentration.

Jacob went on, looking severely unseated. "I did want to ask you guys about something, though…"

Embry seemed a step ahead of him, nodding solemnly. "That comment the guy made back in the woods?"

Jacob's reply was a returning nod. "It's been bugging me since I heard it."

"What?" Seth asked, a little slow. He glanced between the two of them. "When he said we were the ones that attacked first?"

That surprised me, though I kept my eyes shut, still forcing back the fire that licked at my rib cage. I could feel the tremors shake me all over.

"What on earth could that mean?" Jake growled, his face contorted with conflicting anger and confusion. "Neither one of you took the attack, right? Seth, you were ambushed." My brother nodded. "And Embry, you came in after the male tried to join in."

"Yeah," Embry's own face was fighting the surging temper, utter bewilderment coloring his tone. "But my attack definitely wasn't first."

"Why would he say that, though…?"

Carlisle rang in his contribution as they continued to speculate, but whatever endurance I had left to my name was wearing incredibly thin; the effort it took to keep my mind from drifting back to that agonized face increasing rapidly. Most of Jacob's words became lost as I fought the urge to return to that place, where half of my soul had fled, fleeting away from me and tearing me violently apart as it turned and ran with the yellow-eyed wolf. Everything in me fought the muscles that now kept my body here, my heart about ready to explode from my chest and leap out the window while my chest burst into flames as I told it that it couldn't. The physical and emotional anguish was stupefying; it had me utterly paralyzed. Suddenly I could no longer control it and I was back there in that forest, staring down that massive, hostile wolf that was just as scared and confused as I was, if not more. Then pure agony ripped through me as I heard once again his call, his cry out to the Powers that Be for someone to ease his pain by just a bit…

"Jacob." Edward Cullen's clear and silky voice pierced my thoughts as well as Jacob's monologue. Jacob's rolling, audible thoughts stopped short as he must have turned his gaze on me. It was then I realized I had raked my hands into my hair, burying my face in the creases of my elbows as tears streaked down my face. In face of the fire burning along the chasm down the center of my chest, this reaction seemed well controlled, even if it was involuntary. Jacob's jaw snapped shut, and his expression became torn.

"Jake…" I managed in a voice even strange to me. It was so soft, so broken… "Jacob, I can't…"

Jake had never left Renesmee for more than one day in her entire life, and even then the both of them had known he would return. I'd been separated from my soul mate without knowing where he'd come from, where he was going, or even his own name, for _hours_. How did I explain to him that this was causing me physical pain?

As it turned out, I didn't need to.

"You need to let her find him, Jacob." Edward told him bluntly, minimum emotion in his voice. "It's tearing her apart."

It was all I could do to lift my face from my arms. I couldn't manage words at this point; I merely begged him with my eyes. Jacob seemed to light afire in his own eyes, a guilty, compassionate fire, and finally he bit his lip and said, "Okay. Go find him."

Within the instant I was out the door, already stripping my top in preparation to phase.

I didn't know it at the time, but after I'd left, Edward had turned on Jacob. "Why did you hold her here in the first place? I thought you didn't force anything on anyone?"

Jacob, taken aback, replied, "I didn't force her. I just needed to work this stuff out."

Edward shook his head. "Can you imagine if the moment you told Rosalie about you and Nessie if she'd turned and run away from you, and you had no idea where she was going or if you'd ever see her again?"

Jacob, dumbfounded, hung his head. "I didn't even think. I could only think…" He trailed off, his eyes shifting to the weary-looking girl on his lap. Edward hadn't needed the end of his sentence.

"So why did you ask her? You knew it was killing her to stay as long as she did, but you knew as soon as you came back you could resolve things here without her. Why did she have to stay here?"

True to nature, Jacob had replied, "Since when does everyone care so freaking much about Leah, anyway?"

Edward raised his eyebrows at him. "I could ask you the same question." That had stopped him short.

Jacob considered for a long time how to answer Edward's question, and finally, he said slowly, "I guess I asked her because it wouldn't feel right without her. She's been around for so long I guess I just got used to her always being there when trouble hit, and afterwards to clean up the mess. And I couldn't face even comprehending the next step unless she was here. It wouldn't feel right."

At this, Edward had grunted, though left it at that for the sake of the broken, ashamed expression on the pack Alpha's face.

* * *

**A/N**: Comments welcome!!

Oh and by the way-- SURPRISE-- I'm not going to be able to update until the New Year BECAUSE I'm going to Germany until the third!! Sorry, you'll have to wait to find out if Leah finds her wolf ^.^. I mean for those of you who hate this story and find me an annoying prick you probably could care less BUT in case you WERE dying to find out if she meets him-- SORRY. I promise I'll update upon my return. Happy Holidays!


	4. Who Effing Saw THAT Coming?

**A/N**: Annnnd I'm back! For those who care, Germany was WONDERFUL. But anyway I've got two more chapters to go until this whole ordeal is done. and SURPRISE AGAIN: I'm posting both of them! The way they're written, it just makes sense. The fifth chapter's just kind of an epilogue anyway. So I hope you like the ending!! Please comment!!

* * *

**Part Four**

I couldn't run fast enough. My heart was in my throat, throbbing, pumping rhythmically with the ferocity and volume of a ticking clock. Trees flew past me on all sides; I saw none of them, not a single one. My entire being was engrossed in the scent, the sounds, straining my every limit of superhuman sensory power to find a trace of him. The trail was still hot but beginning to cool, and I followed it with boiling blood back towards the town. When I doubted the trail I trusted my instinct, praying this magnetic pull that had me charging like a blinded bull was what would lead me to that wolf.

His scent engulfed me; from the moment it filled my head again I felt my first true gasp of air since turning from the woods. Of course, it wasn't nearly enough; like trying to take a full breath while my body was submerged in water. My nostrils were free but I needed more, grappled for it, gasped for it. I needed to see him. To look into his golden eyes and drink him in, to tell him whatever it was that made those perfect eyes burn, it was going to be okay…

The scent drove straight towards town where I'd chased him before, charging all the way to the very edge of the forest before veering west. I stumbled after it, throwing everything I had into my legs and willing them faster. The voices in my head were nonexistent; the others had yet to phase back. Whether this was a result of their ongoing council or their attempt to give me some space, I was grateful. I couldn't do this in front of them.

It probably seemed to them that I never deserved this, anyway. I'd managed to make very few friends in twenty years, and the fact that my messed up body had yet to change at all since my first transformation was of no comfort. I had to chide myself now for my degrading judgment of the blond vampire, Rosalie: it wasn't as though _I_ had changed much in twenty years, either. Before, I'd been too mutilated inside to care who I took with me into my personal hell. Anything had seemed better than facing the agony alone; even pressing it on others. So I'd torn my own family down, yanked and struck at every loose heartstring I could find, sniffed out every hint of discontent and fed it until it flamed into despair… if just one person, one quantifiable person, could feel as truly tortured as I was, I reasoned, it would be worth it. It would be worth every roll of the eye I saw when I entered a room, every disdainful expression that was shared at my presence, every harsh reproach hurled at me from one of my pack brothers. Just for one person. But no one ever was (Jacob being the exception but it wasn't long before his misery was erased); no one had ever known the kind of pain I'd known; only the sympathetic pain in sharing the every memory I drug up to pierce their consciences, a pain that was tame and numb in comparison to the real thing.

My new eyes scanned these memories with shame, remembered things I'd easily put from my mind before with a chagrin that threatened to consume me. How many hearts had I defiled in my attempt to drag the world into my own suffering? I saw myself with fresh vision through the sights of others, now, the memories of how I looked, the way I acted that rang clear in my pack brothers' head every time I'd see them. I was a wretch; as I'd put it once, a "compassionless shrew". The way my own words took on the new definition made my pace slow as my already-smoldering insides burst again in flame as if fed by a swirl of oxygen. I couldn't stand the very image of myself reflected at me in my brothers' memories. It was the memory of a monster: a real, true monster.

I was suddenly staring at my own moonlit reflection off the surface of the river, the flowing waters obscuring only slightly the lines that shaped my silver wolf face, making it shiver serenely. The eyes pierced my soul with a self-knowledge I'd never seen before.

After tonight, I promised, I would do everything in my power to bury those old memories. I would attempt, using every bit of emotional endurance I had remaining to me after this, to atone for my every count of wretchedness. There were so many. But I had to try. I had lost so much ground; I had to make it up.

I stared into the resolved eyes the color of summer leaves glaring seriously back at me from the surface of the river.

Oh, shit.

Suddenly, my heart plummeted to my stomach and I felt for a minute like I would be physically sick.

The river.

My eyes popped up and I was looking around frantically. The scent had led me straight to the edge of the running waters, disappearing where the liquid lapped at the bank. I charged this way and that, trying to find a place on the shore the scent might have obscured but picked up without actually crossing the waters. But I knew already by the irresistible pull in my heart that this scent wouldn't continue anywhere on this side of the stream. I paced the shore uncertainly, my breath quickening in panic. I could swim, of course; it was neither the water itself nor the powerful current nor even the jagged rocks on the edges near the shore that made my heart pound. It was what water did to one's scent. I couldn't take the possibility that the black wolf's trail would not pick up on the other side. I would have no purpose then: neither reason nor means to keep living.

There was only one way to find out, though, so I took in a sharp, deep breath and dove into the rushing waters. The current hit me like a wall of ice, the frigid waters quick to devour me and tug me along with its charge downhill. I pitched in the swell for but an instant, then I was bulleting towards the surface and gasping in clean air. I hadn't moved but a few yards downstream, and now that my muscles were recovering from the shock of the cold, it really wasn't that bad. One of the advantages of having an outrageously warm inner body temperature. I tugged my huge paws through the water, striking out methodically and stroking a path perpendicular to the current. It beat against me angrily, outraged that I had defied it, but it felt to me little more than a trickle. The opposite shore was before me and in no time at all I was bounding up the bank, shaking the freezing liquid from my silver fur. Ugh. I'd never enjoyed being wet. At least I wasn't all that cold.

Immediately my nose was on the ground again, searching, my heart in my throat and its wild, rapid pounding throbbing at my eardrums. Then the fault lines that marked the places in which my heart barely remained together trembled and shook as I realized it was nowhere within reach. I leapt up and down the shore line, unable to even consider the possibility I could lose it now. When the trail did not emerge I closed my eyes, begging the outrageous werewolf voodoo that had brought me here to lead me in the right direction. My instinct tugged downstream, and downstream I went, fleeting along the edge of the water with my nose to the ground. Then, just as suddenly as it had disappeared… the overwhelming scent of burning wood intermingled harmoniously with the sense-zapping smell of pine sap, hiding almost effectively a hint of nutmeg and cinnamon. It was hot, it was full of blood, it was partially human, and it was unmistakable. It was him.

I couldn't keep the howl from escaping, so much was my relief. This wet, bedraggled trail was as fresh as ever, and I took off after it, feeling my heart leap again with my new hope. The trail continued west towards La Push, a fact that hardly bothered me as I bounded through the trees at blinding speed. I was surprised to find that it darted all the way up to the interstate 101; I managed to slip stealthily across the road through a gap in traffic. Then it surprised me again as, once it was past 101, it stole due north, and I darted to keep up. I crossed two more rural highways, after that before hitting another stretch of trees, my pulse racing the entire time. I didn't know anything about this area; I had no idea how much further these woods went until it hit more civilization, but at the moment I didn't care. Every step I took was carrying me closer to him, I could feel it…

Without warning my entire system froze, as it had hours before when the great black wolf first stopped, and my heels found the soil and dug in. my frame skittered and shook as I squealed to a stop. I was left, then, with nothing but to stand dumbly in my place, shivering in anticipation of something completely unknown to my mind. I had no idea anymore what my body was doing; it was as if my mind had become totally submissive to my absurdities. Trying to tell it what to do was like holding my breath: I could only do it for so long.

I stood there, frozen in the middle of the pitch-black woods, my breathing the only sound breaking the deafening silence. The woods around me seemed lifeless; the critters usually making a racket even this late at night seemed mute to me. My eyes searched the darkness, not sure what to expect but lacking the will and power to move further. Everything in me told me to stay where I was, to wait. It was beyond instinct: it was supernatural.

Then the precipice that separated the two halves of my soul shivered, and my heart was aflame again, but this time, it was a healing flame. The darkness before me shifted, and my searching gaze fell still.

Unbearably slowly, the black night shaped itself into an obscure ghost, then it submitted at last as through it pierced a pair of shimmering, incredible yellow eyes.

His footsteps seemed nonexistent, though I saw perfectly well how his massive, onyx paws struck the ground. He stepped with impeccable caution from the trees, his advance colored with wonder and uncertainty. He was exactly as my memory recalled: absolutely enormous, not so much in height as in width and mass. Were size alone what defined power, he could have taken down Emmett Cullen with a snort of his nostrils. His fur was the color of an endless black hole in space, the kind of black that made me feel like I was falling endlessly into a pit of darkness. The only thing that discerned him from the black night was the heaving of his massive sides, and, of course, those tender golden eyes. The eyes that now locked on mine for only the second time tonight, the ones that bore into my soul with unparalleled ease, though slightly less unexpected this time as it had been before. I saw everything he was in one blink, and before my breath had even caught in my throat I was drowning in them, lost forever in the eyes I never wanted again to leave, the eyes that had become as much a part of me as my own ragged hair and abnormally high body temperature. These were the eyes that defined who I was now, the ones I had dreamed of finding since I learned what imprinting could make me forget. And every part of my wildest dream came true; in this moment I couldn't even think of Sam, or of Emily, or of the eighteen years I'd spent in anguish on my own, only able to blame myself for never being good enough. For the first time in my life, I was entirely complete-- without Sam. I was complete in that pair of astounding, redeeming, golden yellow eyes.

The huge black wolf slipped from the gloom to stand feet from me, his entire stance shivering with uncontrolled emotion, his expression that of utter bewilderment. He knew less about what was happening than I did, I realized. I, at least, knew what this meant for me, and had known what to expect, if not when to expect it. He, however, was in the dark, this much was certain. He seemed little more aware of how to comprehend his wolf form than a first-timer. That would figure, I thought, if I had imprinted on a first timer. I didn't care. Whoever he was, I was his.

Without warning, a deep, disbelieving voice rang low and soft in my head. _No way. There's no way that's the same one. What are the odds…_

Suddenly I was back in time, back in the woods north of Forks, staring down a wolf foreign to me, but this time, I gazed at a short, though sturdily-built wolf with fur the color of December snow clouds. I realized with a jolt of shock that this was me. I was then debating the odds that this wolf, seen in this impeccably clear memory, was the same little gray wolf he now saw standing in front of him.

I blinked. He was in my head. Just like the pack. Of course, of _course_ he was in my head. He was the object of my imprinting. Of course I could hear him.

Oh, right, that meant he could hear me, too.

He was now staring at me, his expression startled and now bridging on terrified. _Did she just… could she hear me when I…_

I quickly regained myself, sensing his instinct to turn and run as he'd done before and knowing I couldn't take it if he did. I couldn't stop myself from stepping forward, desperate to keep him here. _Yes, I heard you. It's okay; don't be afraid._

He continued to stare in disbelief for the longest moment, and I waited for his response, everything in me yearning to bring me closer to him, though I stayed rooted in my spot. Then he was shaking his wolf head, his eyes shut tight. _This isn't happening, this isn't happening…_ There was an undeniable feeling that he'd gone crazy, and suddenly he was overcome by a wrenching, loathing self-disgust so powerful it unseated me. Then he was looking at me again, his eyes bearing into mine with so many contrasting emotions my thoughts were momentarily silenced. In them was a mix of utter confusion, horror, awe, and gut-wrenching chagrin all in one. _Listen,_ he started in his low, perfect voice, as if he couldn't stand to think what he would next but at the same time felt he absolutely had to. _I think there's been a huge misunderstanding… see… I'm not really a… a wolf…_

I saw myself in his eyes, and suddenly I was fighting with everything I had not to throw back my head and laugh. OHH. Of course he was horrified and frightened beyond belief. He thought he'd fallen in love with a real wolf at first sight, like some kind of sick loon. Definitely a first timer.

_Don't freak; neither am I. _

He looked at me in shock, eyeing me up and down. _Wait… you're not?! Then how… who… wait… huh?!_

_Just hold on; listen for a sec. I'm human, too, every bit as human as you are. You're a Quileute, right?_

He didn't mean for me to hear it, but the answer was definitely yes. I continued hurriedly.

_Did anyone ever tell you the Quileutes descended from wolves?_ Again, his answer was on the affirmative, but he never sent the thought my way. He was still comprehending the fact that he could hear my thoughts, and that I supposedly wasn't a real wolf. _So you've heard all those legends and all that? _At this he gave me a questioning look. Great. I was working with a total outsider. He had no idea what the hell I was talking about. _Well, long story short, we kind of _are _wolves. In a sense. We're like werewolves, only we change when we lose control of our emotion, whether it's a full moon or not. There's a whole pack of us in La Push._

He blinked, and suddenly Paul was in his mind, the rest of the Quileute wolves in their human forms all crowded around him like a cult. Exactly like a cult. This was how they had seemed to him before now. _Yes, them. They're just like you. You've noticed how tight they are, right? Well, they're kinda family now, in a way. See, they all have one thing in common: they all change into wolves when they lose their tempers, and when they do, they can hear each others' thoughts just like you can hear mine now, and I can hear yours. But see, they've learned to control themselves so they only phase into wolves when they want to. You know how they disappear a lot and all that? They're not doing anything harmful, they're just running patrols around the border of La Push, protecting everyone inside_.

_Whoa, whoa, hold on a second,_ His voice was in my head, overwhelmed. _How the hell do _you_ know all this? I've never seen you before in my life_.

I eyed him quizzically. _Remember how I said I'm not actually a wolf?_

He blinked at me, then his eyes grew wide. _You're one of them? A werewolf, I mean, or whatever you call it?_

I nodded. _Yes, I'm a werewolf. The only one of my kind, actually…_

This string of thoughts confused him more. I explained. _Have you ever seen a girl hanging out with Paul's gang at school?_

He shook his head.

I bit back the pain. _I'm not supposed to exist. Really, no one's ever seen a female werewolf before. It's only ever been men._

He stared at me, digesting this.

_But anyway,_ I continued, wishing only to focus on the most vital things. _What you're going through now I went through once, and I still phase from human to wolf a lot, because I've learned to control my temper._

_So where have _you_ been?_ He asked suspiciously, his eyes narrowing. _I've never seen you anywhere around the Rez. Not the school or anywhere._

_I've actually been around a house you almost reached this evening. Do I smell familiar to you?_

His eyes popped wide in surprise, then he took an experimental sniff. A flash of memories raced through his head. Suddenly, things started to piece together; for him and for me.

_Ah_. I nodded, gazing at the memories with him. _That's what that male meant._

Now he was lost. He watched the scenes from my memory that flashed through my own mind, but of course understood none of them. _What's all this? What are you talking about?_

_You realize, of course, that you ran into my trail as well as my pack's when you were running up north of the town?_

The memory fit to him, his revelation a moment ago making sense of my scent's familiarity to him. Then my words sunk in. _Wait, you said you have your own pack? Because I know you don't hang out with Paul's…_

_I'll explain that later. _I assured him quickly. _That's way more complicated than I'll get into now. But_ _do you remember crossing that scent that made your nose burn? And the creature it belonged to?_

This rang perfectly clear in his memory. He saw again the face of the female, Kyra, in the forest near the perimeter, the vicious snarl that came from her as she crouched to attack him, he himself following pure instinct to attack her. Finding out quickly that she moved at blinding speed, attacked with superhuman strength… realizing he was very swiftly losing the fight he'd never consciously consented to…

_So that's why you ran away_. I managed, my eyes mystified. _You ran into your first vampire._

He digested this, then groaned. _Of course. I'd ask you if you honestly thought I was enough of a sucker to believe that, but seeing as I've mysteriously transformed into a wolf for no good reason I really have no reason not to believe vampires exist, too._ He eyed me. _Does this mean Santa Clause exists, too? And unicorns and fairies and three-headed dogs?_

I snorted a laugh, the tension between us slowly starting to melt. _I__f I ever see a fairy, I'm eating it. They piss me off.__ But as far as I know it's just vampires and werewolves. _I shot him a jokingly shocked look. _And fuck off! Of course Santa Clause exists. _

His muzzle stretched up into a comical, wolfish smile. _Thank god. You have a sense of humor_.

I lifted my broad shoulders in a shrug. _Have to when you spontaneously burst into a huge-ass wolf every time you lose your temper._

He snorted a deep, coughing laugh. _Amen to that._

I giggled, too, hearing it come out as a high-pitched, whiney cackle. When I looked up again he was staring earnestly at me, his eyes burning. _So… you really do know what's happening to me?_ In his head I saw the outrageous temperature of his skin, his flaring temper, the moment of chaos when the fire in his spine exploded and he opened his eyes to his wolf form…

My heart shivered. No wonder his howl had been loaded with so much pain. I nodded slowly. _Yes, I do. Trust me. There's a lot to explain, but it's not as bad as it seems._

He was staring at me again, his mind taking a different direction. He seemed to accept that what was happening was real, and that the wolf he was looking at was human as well. The fire was back in his gaze, this one unsure for an entirely different reason. _And this…_ He managed, his mind on the smoldering emotion churning deep in his chest as he looked at me. I could tell he was praying I would know what he was talking about.

If only he knew.

Well, now that I was thinking about it, he had a brief glance. He stood there gazing in awe at me as my memories filled both his head and mine, the first time I'd learned about imprinting, when I'd realized it would heal me, every event leading up to the moment I looked into his eyes and knew in full capacity what it meant to find a soul mate. The stream left him in silence, still confused as the flashback was far too quick to be informational, but astounded nonetheless for the emotion that lay behind the memories.

I returned his gaze, my heart racing until I felt it would melt from the friction. _Yes. _I answered, now unnecessarily. _I know a good bit about that, too. _I paused, the memories flooding me again, reminding me of the absolute marvel of the moment. _But as far as having experienced it… this is a first for me, too. This isn't supposed to happen all that often. Kind of the same way _I'm_ not supposed to happen that often…_ I had thought that I was exempt from this, as I had figured I'd be exempt from anything at all that could make me happy. Every time I'd let myself be happy I came crashing back down to earth again, in as much agony as ever. And this glorious thing that made people so blissfully happy… it had never felt like a gift I'd ever have. I'd thought happiness was a gift for more deserving people.

Well, that's what I got for assuming, I guess.

Suddenly, very cautiously, the great black wolf was moving, but this time, it was towards me. He stepped with torturous uncertainty across the distance that separated us, until he was just a foot from me. I felt his breath tickle the whiskers on my muzzle, blinked as his eyes, so precious to me, bore tenderly into mine. The emotion in his gaze made me want to laugh out loud and burst into tears at the same time. He was still lost, still completely confounded by everything about this moment, but he was accepting it in stride now. He was done running. That pulsating organ in my chest leapt to my throat, choking me and at the same time giving me wings. His mind found mine as he searched my eyes.

_So… you know… what I'm talking about… then…?_ His face was pained, as if he feared beyond anything else my answer to his question.

I realized now that I'd been terrified that it had only been I who had imprinted, because nothing said just because I imprinted on someone that it meant he imprinted on me. In fact, an event like this had never happened before: werewolf imprinting on werewolf. There never before had existed a female werewolf on whom to imprint. I'd realized that there was nothing that said he had to love me back, even though I was completely helpless in my commitment to him. The very idea that even if I'd caught up to him, my soul mate wouldn't even consider me, was so terrifying it might have paralyzed me, were it not for the pair of eyes before me now, into which I was once again losing myself. He was screaming inside to know that whatever this feeling was, it was not only acceptable, (which, now that he was starting to believe I was really human, was not so hard), but returned. He truly did love me, and was entirely committed to me, but beyond anything feared I didn't return the feeling.

How absurd. Despite all his fears that he'd lost his mind, that I really wasn't a human and he was somehow talking to a wolf, that he'd fallen in love with an animal in a way that was so sick and wrong he didn't even want to think about it… he was afraid of rejection. Stupid dog.

I carefully closed what little distance was still between us, praying he remained in his place. Slowly, I ducked my head underneath his and buried my face in the fur of his neck, breathing in the scent that made my soul complete. Even damp with cold river water still drying in the cold night air, it consumed me body and soul. It made me want to sob for joy. My ear found the place by his shoulder under which his heart thudded against his chest, racing at my closeness and pounding in anticipation. The sound engulfed me completely, filled me and soothed me deeper than any note of music had ever done. It was a sound I wanted embedded in my mind and starring in my every day for the rest of eternity.

_Stupid_. I told him silently, closing my eyes. _I know exactly what you're talking about. You have _no_ idea how long I've been waiting for this._

Again, memories flew across my mind that made no sense to him, but the sheer power of the very memory of that pain had him stunned. He still knew almost nothing of where'd I'd been, who I'd been before, but the emotion was enough to explain my words. He hesitated, then gave in to his senses and rested his enormous head atop mine. Part of him was overwhelmed, grieving along for the part of my past that already had died, that had disappeared at the very sight of him. The rest of him was drenched in utter relief, his other problems seeming to take a back seat in his mind as this unsettling issue resolved for him. How incredible this new bond was, that already he'd become the most important thing to me, and I to him. I had no human words to describe the comfort, the safety I felt cushioned in this stranger's hold, wedged in his damp pillows of midnight fur. From the way his thoughts went silently, I felt he was relishing this as well.

He had a very logical voice in him, though, screaming at him the absurdity of what was happening. He saw again that flash of utter discord when the heat captured him; transformed him. He began to tremble slightly, not from anger now, but from utter terror. _I don't want to be alone._ He managed; his thoughts were a broken whisper._ I've never been this scared in my entire life._

I quieted him in my thoughts. _You're not alone. _I remembered all too well my own first night dealing with it. I'd had six other wolves talking me through step by step, helping me, teaching me. Now it was my turn to be the teacher. I sighed, not at all opposed to the idea. _Don't worry. I'll help you._

He believed me. Another incredibility about this bond. I felt him echo my sigh, taking in my scent. _Thank you_.

I didn't know how long we stayed like that, but eventually, I backed away, still using caution around him. _So, are you ready to learn how to change back?_

He gazed at me, bewildered. _Beyond ready._

I giggled my wolfish laugh again and turned southeast toward the Cullen house, glancing at him over my shoulder. _You'll have to follow me._

Just as I was about to launch myself into the dark woods again, though, he said, _Wait_. I paused, turning my head back to him.

_Yeah?_

He looked a little sheepish. _So… what is your name, anyway?_

I shifted my whole body around now, chuckling. _Leah Clearwater. You probably know my mom._

Recognition split his face at once and he was cackling at once, irony hot in his mind. _You're kidding. _I cocked my head at him.

I blinked at him, confused. _How about you? Do you have a name along with that mack-truck bod?_

He looked a little surprised and embarrassed by my comment, but replied with that same hint of irony. _Name's Ian. Ian Uley. I think you know my dad._

My jaw dropped. No. Fucking. Way.

He chuckled again. _My thoughts exactly._ He eyed me as I continued to gape at him, his canine face pulled back in a doggish grin. _There's lots to explain, isn't there_. He trotted up to stand by my flank, looking at me expectantly.

I shook my head incredulously. _Yeah. Lots._ With that, I took off into the woods, the huge black wolf chasing my flank eagerly.

So I'd fallen in love with Ian Uley, the very son of my first love. All this time I'd been searching for the one path that would lead me away from Sam, for falling in love with him, I'd been sure, was the biggest regret of my entire life. And of course, it had been eighteen years in the making, but there'd always been an answer. Sam was just the prelude to what would happen when his eighteen-year-old son would first phase into a wolf. Go freaking figure.

That's what you get, that same voice gloated imperiously. That's what you get for wanting this so bad. That's what you get when you let your emotion win.

That's true, I thought victoriously as I streaked through the woods, my soul mate at my side. That's what I get. That's what I'd always have. Forever.

And I wouldn't trade him for the world.


	5. All I Ever Wanted

**A/N**: Go Leah!! Okay so this is the official finale to Leah's happy ending. I really hope you liked it!! Comments welcome!!

* * *

**Part Five**

I never dreamed, after watching my life fall from grace in the singular blink of an eye, after the absolutely inhumane cruelty of the retribution of that fall, that my life, which had been so easily shattered to pieces, would come so quickly back together.

Of course, I mean "quickly" strictly in a comparative sense. I had anticipated that, if EVER my life could _somehow_ be sewn back together, it would take decades (which, in reality, it had, and would have had it not been for Ian) simply to move to the point where I could even comprehend a life without the pain, and perhaps years after that to pull myself into some kind of respectable human being.

Now, though, time felt to be flying. It took mere minutes to lead Ian back to the house, where I disappeared briefly to phase back and to change into another of my hidden outfits, and mere minutes more to coach Ian through the process of cooling down and returning to human. After that, he'd met my family, or who essentially was my family now. I warned him, naturally, of the Cullens, and that they were not quite like the vampire he'd encountered before; it was an attempt to avoid a scene in which the shock of seeing so many instinctual enemies gathered to meet him would cause him to burst right back into wolf form again, hostility ensuing. He seemed to take this obstacle in stride, immediately able to converse politely with each of the Cullens. He was equally as ruffled by Edward's ability to constantly reply to unspoken thoughts, but appeared to find a lot in common with Emmett. And then, of course, he met the pack. From there things were spiraling in an incoherent blur. Between Jacob, Embry, Seth and me, we were able to thoroughly describe to Ian every aspect of the world of which he was now a part, answering each question thoroughly.

This was the part that surprised me, though. Sam had been the pack Alpha. However, his son had never heard a single Quileute wolf legend in his life. It made no sense to me that Sam would hide what before had been such a huge part of him, but Jacob had decoded it instantly. Sam had always hated being a werewolf, despite his natural leadership. Everything about his wolf life repulsed him, beginning with and coming back to what he had done to me. Naturally, he hadn't wanted that life or any part of it for his son. So Ian was completely in the dark.

Again, no longer was it shocking, the kind of pain that had loaded Ian's eyes when first I peered into them.

Anyway, Jacob, being Jacob, offered him the choice to join either pack: his or the Quileutes. He made clear the differences in what we protected and in our lifestyles, as well as described the true nature of Paul's leadership as opposed to his. He even went through the story of how our pack had gotten started. However, only out of politeness did Ian wait through Jake's explanation at all to answer. He explained, very calmly, that he was not going anywhere I was not. Therefore, he became a part of Jacob's pack and he and I now ran the same patrol route in shifts.

So, in a matter of hours, my life had gone from pointless, to having a point and merely lacking its presence, to being around its point at practically all hours of the day. Jacob, mercifully, worked it out so that we were only ever technically separated for a few hours. We ran patrol at the same time, so we began and ended our shifts together and would return to our own alone time as soon as our turn was done.

It felt foreign to me now, how much I'd blamed Renesmee in the beginning when Jacob had first imprinted on her. It had felt so natural to hate her, but I'd always known it was merely jealousy for what Jacob had found that had caused the hostility. I'd been good on my word, though. Most of those close to me barely recognized me now. I'd picked up the habit of singing to myself as I did idle work, particularly around the house. Most of the time it would be a song I first heard from Ian, as the guy was something of a music freak and had an astounding collection. To socialize with the rest of the world seemed almost too easy, like the unsurpassable storm cloud that had fogged my ability to be agreeable had been gusted away and suddenly I had the energy to converse light-heartedly for hours.

I'd made verbal apologies to more people than I could count, including Sam, who seemed just as relieved, flabbergasted, and amused by the event as I was. After Ian had first explained where he'd disappeared to all night (considering that was the dominating worry between Sam and Emily in the beginning-- Emily had just about sobbed with relief when she saw Ian at the door). Then, though, the two of us, together, explained what had happened, and I had finished with my apology to him and to Emily. The look in Sam's eyes when he'd waved good-bye to the two of us that day was irreplaceable in my mind. Both Sam and I had waited eighteen ears for this healing. Emily had been beyond words. The expression "thrilled to tears" came to mind in describing her reaction.

The guys were a lot easier to deal with. Apologies to my former pack brothers had been full of light-hearted teasing and punches in the arm, laughing and joking as always, as if none of that for which I had just apologized ever mattered all that much. My mother had taken it decently well, and even Bella had made it through the emotion long enough to say that she'd never blamed me. Apparently, no one had ever blamed me. Well, maybe Jacob and Seth for a while, but never seriously. Of course it had always been my fault for becoming so lost in my grief, but not a damn one of them would blame me for it. Stupid idiots, every one of them.

I was even warming to the Cullens; more so than I'd ever anticipated. Renesmee didn't even _ask_ anymore if it was okay to give me a hug when she saw me; most of the time she simply went ahead. I never minded, though. The girl was seriously irrefutable in that way. This was enough to make Seth just about piss himself; he'd been waiting for the day I willingly admitted to liking vampires simply for the gloating rights. But he had every right to. Everything was so different now. I'd finally found what I'd been searching for.

Ian was everything I'd ever wanted. All that, and so much more.

His human form had been nothing short of shocking. To say he was a replica of his father would be both accurate and unfair. He looked incredibly like Sam, but with Emily's rounder cheeks. But he was also in himself someone completely new and independent from his parents, and when I looked at him I didn't see Sam. Nor did I see Emily or even Sam's parents. I saw him. Only him. His voice was as deep as his howl and his eyes in human form, much to my delight, were the same as in wolf. Miles deep and filled with liquid gold. It must have had something to do with Sam's eyes being brown and Emily's being green, maybe. I didn't care. When those yellow eyes looked at me it didn't matter from where they came, only that they stayed there, locked with mine forever.

And forever was quite literally a conceivable concept, considering neither of us would ever have to stop phasing for the other, because neither of us were aging. We could both stay eighteen, for the next century and beyond, even as long as Jacob and Nessie, as both of them were immortal, too. Time had no need to move. I could stay, young and happy, with Ian for the remainder of forever.

Fortune, which had so hated me before, now appeared to be giving me everything I never deserved.

_Is something wrong, Di?_ Ian's voice interrupted my reverie, his thoughts concerned at the slight irony in my own. Suddenly I was again staring at the trail ahead of me, realizing I'd drifted off to other lands while running patrol.

I blinked the fog of memory from my mind, registering his question. _No, I'm fine. Sorry, I zoned out for a bit there_. It was rather easy to do that these days.

I heard him chuckle both in his thoughts and aloud. _Understood._

That was the other thing about Ian. The same way Sam had found his own nickname to call me, just for when we were alone, somehow, Ian had found his own as well. It made sense when you followed his slightly unfocused logic. When he'd first seen me, he said, my coat had shimmered like rays of moonlight. The Roman goddess of the moon, based on the Greek goddess Artemis, was named Diana; Di for short. I had to admit, in his own astray fashion, it was really quite romantic. Something that would have earned a respectable puking from me in an earlier stage of life.

Hearing this thought, I heard Ian laugh. _Glad you like it, Di. _

We continued running in silence for another moment. I stifled a yawn.

_We're almost done, sweetie._ He soothed me, running the northwest end up towards the river. _The body clock's telling me Jacob should be coming out soon._

_Is Esme cooking tonight?_ I asked him casually, keeping my own route now that I had returned to the present.

His thoughts were on the affirmative. _Your brother very nonchalantly let it slip he was craving Italian, so of course the Doc and she flipped on the Food Channel and got to it._ He was laughing. He was amused to no end by the idea of vampires cooking. I'd had time to get used to it.

My stomach growled. _You haven't tasted Esme's Italian yet. Want to eat at the house tonight? Or do you think the stench will bother you?_

I knew the answer before he gave it to me. He'd gotten over the stench of vampire in record time compared to my eighteen-year adjustment time. _Esme cooks like home and makes enough for an army. I don't care what they smell like._ He hesitated then. _I mean unless you want to go home to eat?_

I rolled my eyes. _We'll eat at the house, Ian_.

_Are you sure_? Always impeccably considerate. He constantly feared displeasing me.

I would have given him a hug if I could. _Yes, I'm sure. I love Esme's cooking, too_.

_Hey you two._ Jacob's greeting preceded his awareness's entrance to both Ian's and my minds. _How are things out here?_

_All quiet._ Ian answered. _I'm bored to tears out here_.

Jacob chuckled. _I consider that a good thing. Any update from Embry?_

_Nothing but silence_. I replied. Embry, being left now the only one in the pack who had not yet imprinted, had soon after Ian's joining the pack decided to take a vacation, needing to get away from "all the love", as he'd put it. I couldn't blame him. Nor could Jake, as he'd gladly wished him happy flight and asserted he only come back once he'd vacationed his brains out (to which Seth had promptly queried if Embry had ever had a brain to vacation out-- Jacob had socked him in the stomach). He was now somewhere in Cancun, Mexico, spending long hours napping on the beach and finding the city's best party spots. So Embry.

Seth joined us now, bounding out from the house with his usual energy. _What's up, guys?_

Ian glanced to the canopy. _Trees._

_Ha ha, you're so witty_. Seth replied sarcastically.

Ian shrugged. _It's a gift._

_Any word from Embry? _He asked cheerfully, following Jacob's path out from the house towards the perimeter. I turned to meet them just as Ian shifted his route as well.

_Not a word._ Ian replied.

_He probably just can't find a quiet spot to phase-- too many people in Cancun._ Jacob theorized, not worried at all. In reality, no one was. Embry would be Embry.

I sniggered as the three of them came into view, converging on one point. _My guess is he fell asleep on a beach somewhere and never woke up_.

_Actually,_ came a sharp, familiar voice in all our heads. _I'm very much awake, thank you_.

We all stopped dead. All of our thoughts replied simultaneously. _Embry??_

The second he'd phased we were all suddenly very aware-- it was hard to ignore. He was in a hotel room, not an incredibly quiet place at all, and what was more, the room was right in the middle of the hotel; people would hear him above and below. All around him were sounds of life; it was even later in the evening there than it was here, and the nightlife of the city was just starting to wake up. At once, we were on top of him, every one of us about ready to drop him from the ledge of that building for taking such a risk as to phase in the middle of a crowded building of people. He was laughing the whole time.

_Easy, guys, easy._ He broke in, incredibly amused. _Listen, I was going to tell you all when I got home but I guess now will work since I have you all here. Hey, did anyone notice how clear our thoughts still are?_

We all paused our panic to notice. He was right. His thoughts were still as sharp as if he were in the woods with us, despite the fact he was on a different time zone.

_That's not the point_. Chided Jacob first. _What the hell are you doing, Embry? Phase back now!_

_Cool it, Jake, seriously, let me explain._ He seemed rather put out by our lack of faith in his judgment, but was in too good a mood to let it distract him. _So you know the whole reason I came down here was to, ya know, escape the love and all that? Since I was the only one not making goo-goo eyes every chance I got?  
_

_Yeah_, I answered for the rest, suspicious immediately.

Suddenly Embry's eyes were focusing on a young woman with dark, Hispanic skin, nearly-black eyes, and cascades of dark brown curls. He face was stretched in shock, but her eyes were filled with awe. _Yeah… about that…_

My jaw dropped. Seth, Jacob, and Ian all froze, stunned. Then, suddenly, I was laughing. It didn't take long after my first bout of giggles for it to finally sink it with the rest and they started laughing, too.

Go freaking figure.

_Phase back, you moron_. Jacob told him, this time entirely amused.

_Gotcha, Boss. I've got some explaining to do. I'll see you guys at home_. With that, he'd faded away.

I exchanged looks with each one of my pack brothers. I was the first to speak. _So… this basically worked out like an effing fairy tale._

Ian guffawed. _Ironically, I stopped believing in those about the same time I stopped believing in vampires and werewolves._

Seth was practically drunk on his joy. _Sweet! So none of us are left behind now!_

_No, I guess not_. I voiced, exchanging a look with Ian. He cocked me a wolfy grin.

Seeing this, Seth's canine face scrunched into a parchment-colored grimace and he turned away pretending to puke. Jacob, laughing at the same observation, told us, _All right, you two, go take your vomit-worthy goodness out of here before I have to maul you both. Seth and I got this from here_.

_Yes, sir!_ Ian replied enthusiastically, and we both sprinted for the house at the same time they bounded out for the perimeter.

When we'd phased and changed into clothes he took my hand as we strode towards the house. We walked in comfortable silence for a while; I spent the time marveling at the feeling of his hand around mine.

"So what brought all those memories up on the trail today?" He asked casually, stroking the back of my hand with his thumb.

I wrinkled my nose. "You caught that, huh?"

"Couldn't help it." He stopped to turn me to face him, gazing into my eyes as he slid his hand along my cheek. "I came up a lot; it was hard to ignore."

"Yeah, well." I leaned my cheek against his hand. "It's hard not to realize how different things are when just a month ago I was a heartless wretch." I sighed. "It feels like much longer."

He chuckled under his breath. "I know exactly what you mean." Without warning he was pulling me close, cradling me tight to his chest. "It's hard to believe I had any kind of life before you."

I let his arms engulf me as I laid my ear above his heart again, listening to it, savoring it. Nothing compared to how I felt when he held me. He kept his left hand on my head, his fingers lost in my stiff, straight hair, while his right encompassed my middle, his chest caving around me to make for me my own little cocoon, safe in his arms. I closed my eyes and breathed him in: my favorite scent now. "Same here."

He rocked me back and forth ever so slightly, his cheek pressed against the side of my head. "You really waited all that time just to find someone to make you forget?"

"Mmm." I sighed lightly, nodding, my eyes still closed as I rested against his chest. I slid my arms up over his shoulders and eased back just a bit to look into his face, holding him before me with my hands clasped around the back of his neck. "I always figured when I found something that could make me forget that kind of… anguish… it'd be worth everything in the mean time."

His palm stroked my cheek as if it were a precious jewel, finding above it the gentle arch of my brow, tracing the line it made up to my forehead, down my nose, under my eye, and back to my cheek. His amber eyes searched mine, still questioning, always questioning. "And was it worth it?" He hesitated. "Am I worth it?"

I took his face between my hands, drinking him in. "Everything I've been through is a miniscule price to pay for you."

Still he didn't relax. What a paradox he was! Maybe it was all that waiting for the voodoo werewolf magic to work on me that had be believing we couldn't part, or maybe it was having seen Sam with Emily, Quil with Clair, Jared with Kim, and Jacob with Nessie. Perhaps after enough time with each of them, my Ian would finally believe in the true attachment of someone who has imprinted, and realize that the same way he couldn't live without me, I could not live without him.

"So…" He managed, still unsure. "I'm worth it?"

I nuzzled his nose with mine. "You are _beyond_ worth it."

My lips found his and he responded, eager and relieved. He pulled me tight against him, a hold that would have crushed any smaller a girl, but it still wasn't close enough for me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him there, my lips hungry. He surrounded me, encompassed me, filled me until I was overflowing, picked me up, twirled me around, set me back down again and still I wasn't done. I gave him every silent answer I had until his content was such we basically melted into each other, and by the time the kiss ended I didn't know where he ended and where I began.

Figuratively speaking, anyway. In reality He was there, I was here, and both our stomachs were growling. I giggled when I heard his monstrous moan as I drew back from him. "Anything else before we go eat?"

He leaned his forehead against mine, utterly content. "Did I mention that I love you?"

I wrinkled my nose at him. "Once or twice."

His lips brushed mine. "I love you."

"I love you, too, you mutt." We both chuckled and I took his hand again, tugging him towards the house. "Now come on-- if you get ravenous I don't care what you say, we're not eating raw."

So began our very conceivable, very optimistic forever.

* * *

**A/N**: So that's happily ever after for everyone!! Yay!! Anyway I really hope you liked it, I worked really hard to make this fit together. Thanks for all the comments and all others you have are welcome!!

Oh, and just as a side note: I'm a bit of of a fanart addict and if I could draw at ALL I would-- BUT I can't. Anyone who so feels inspired to draw fanart for this fic, I'd love to see it!! I'm very much a visual person and was glancing at Deviantart a lot while I wrote this. I'd be tickled pink if anyone could draw anything from this.

And for reference-- I did listen to the Paramore song with this title a LOT while I wrote this. It now reminds me of Leah. I didn't base the story off the song, but I thought the title was perfect and kinda stole it.

Anyway thanks again for reading- I hope I didn't disappoint!


End file.
